Dan Glaser’s Movie Podcast: Episode 24  —  A Star Is Born with Jo Firestone

Published on 2018-10-17

Welcome to Dan Glaser’s Movie Podcast: The ONLY Podcast You Have To Read. In each episode I go with a different comedian to see a movie and then we head to the closest coffee shop to chat about it over the internet. Yes it is a podcast, you just have to read it instead of listen to it. As always, you can catch up on all the other episodes here. Even better, consider supporting the podcast by subscribing

(Somehow, there were no posters for this movie. Luckily, we saw a bucket of straws and thought: "A Straws Is Born")
(Somehow, there were no posters for this movie. Luckily, we saw a bucket of straws and thought: "A Straws Is Born")

XXXTREME SPOILER WARNING! DO YOU WANT WHAT HAPPENS IN THIS MOVIE TO BE A SURPRISE? IF SO, GO SEE IT AND THEN COME BACK!

Jo and I met at the Regal Union Square theatres late one afternoon to sit back, relax, and escape the mundanity of the lives we have chosen for ourselves. Jo got got a popcorn that she offered to share but I didn't want any. I had nice cold water to offer her, but she didn't want any of that either. So we sat and watched for a long long time; Jo with her popcorn, me with my water. After the film, we walked to the only coffee spot open late enough for our grown-up tastes: The Bean on 12th St and Broadway. I got an espresso and Jo got an herbal tea.

Dan: Hi Jo! Thank you so much for joining me today on Dan Glaser's Movie Podcast: The ONLY Podcast You Have To Read. I think we have a lot to talk about, and even more to sing about, but before we get started I just have one question: have you ever brought a boy on stage?

Jo: I have, and it was actually really similar to what happened in "A Star Is Born" except for a few differences:

1) He was named RJ

2) He hated me

Dan: Oh wow. So you are more of a Jack type, which was my next question.

Jo: Yes, people call me "Jo-son". All the time.

Dan: Jo-son Missouri.

Jo: Yus. Can I just say I still feel upset. The movie is still making me feel upset.

Dan: Please, this pod is a place to share.

Jo: Okay, I feel manipulated.

Dan: My (Jackson) main emotions right now are: confused, upset.

Jo: This is almost exactly how I felt after "A Monster Appears" or whatever that movie was called. A Monster Comes. A Monster Walks?

Dan: Monsters Inc? What happens in it? Toys come to life or something?

Jo: Hahah no no. A Monster Gets In? Tree guy comes to help kid with mom who has cancer. Manipulative. Irresponsible.

Dan: Ohhh yeah the one with Groot.

Jo: YES. Groot saves the kid. A Groot Comes.

Dan: Yes A Star Is Born, like the characters in it, is extremely emotionally manipulative. Also, like the characters in it, this movie is a messy bitch who lives for drama

Jo: TRUE. I feel like there must be a rule, where you can't kill someone unexpectedly after making people watch a 2 hour 15 minute movie.

Dan: Jo the Third Act of this movie is shorter than most of the songs in it.

Jo: It's true. It's so true. Also what was the music genre? "White"?

Dan: The main character casually drops a "I tried to commit suicide once" anecdote and then 2 scenes later commits suicide.

Jo: It's not right. Something must have been cut. A crucial 25 minute scene. Maybe a montage?

Dan: Yeah a trying out suicide belts makeover montage.

Jo: I guess we should have seen it coming. When she undid his belt when they first had sex. Chekhov's belt.

Dan: I feel so much better even having been out of there for 10 minutes. The atmosphere was oppressive.

Jo: INDEED. Why did they get a dog?

Dan: Well the first one they got off screen. Then they got a different dog later but never mention that it's different even though it’s very different looking. An Easter egg for big fans like us to spot.

Jo: Ha! also why did we see Lady Gaga nude in blurry vision for 2 seconds? Why. After he called her ugly, we then see her naked.

Dan: When the bathroom door closes?

Jo: Yes.

Dan: That way we could see that she was ugly.

Jo: Ohhh! Doi! Is this movie well-liked?

Dan: I don't know if this movie is well liked but in case people haven’t seen it and are reading this, here is my One Sentence Review of the singing: Imagine the scene in Mamma Mia 2 when Andy Garcia has to sing opposite Cher but for 2 and a half hours.

Jo: Wait. Please don't blend the two in viewers' minds, because Mamma Mia 2 was best movie, and this might be worst. Like night and day.

Dan: It seemed like someone was actively mad at Andy Garcia to make him have to sing against Cher.

Jo: I can't believe I'm getting more upset at you than Bradley Cooper. Take it back. Andy Garcia had the moment of the year. Andy Garcia's life is a let-down from that moment on.

Dan: Pretend you are about to be in a movie, Jo. On the movie set the director says, “Okay, now for this scene you will be making a cupcake against Paul Hollywood.”

Jo: Ahhh. And the ovens work or it's prop ovens?

Dan: Both. Now guess what: that director? It was you. And now you have this movie. (Bradley Cooper directed himself to do all the stuff he does in this movie)

Jo: WOOEY!

Dan: And directed himself to dress up like Chad Kroeger and grumble on stage across from Gaga.

(Bradley Cooper as Jackson Maine)
(Bradley Cooper as Jackson Maine)

Jo: That looks like a mix of both of them. Like their son.

Dan: Sequel! Another Star is Born!

Jo: If Bradley Cooper hadn't done the suicide.

Dan: Maybe he saved his sperms.

Jo: Also I don't understand how people in movies just have sex for the first time and don't even discuss condoms. They just get right in. Romance. I would prefer to watch a 3 minute scene about whether they should wear condoms even if it meant a 2 hour 45 minute film.

Dan: When Gaga was wiping down her pubic area in the hotel room she slipped one in. That was what that sound was.

Jo: Ew. No no that was the tinnitus.

Dan: Well we clearly have a lot to talk about, should we just get right into it? Do you remember how this movie started?

Jo: No. I really don't. Was he driving? With that private detective?

Dan: I think it was a Bradley Cooper concert where he sang a song that sounded like a car commercial.

Jo: Was he singing? That's so weird, I came out of that movie starving for a Mazda.

Dan: You made me stop at the dealership on 12th.

Jo: Movie started with him in a band...ended with him in a garage. GARAGE...BAND!

Dan: Woah.

Jo: ENDORSED PRODUCT MUCH?

Dan: I hate when movies endorse software.

Jo: That's like when they used to have mario batali make soup on The Chew. Souper Mario. i'm sorry.

Dan: #TimesUp Mario! (like in Mario if you take too long on a level)

Jo: #NotAllMen #OnlyBradley. Do you think he made everyone call him Bradley?

Dan:  He really is a creep in this movie but then also supportive which acts to normalize and justify his creepness. No thanks.

Jo: Is he a creep? Because of the drugs? It seemed like she was super into him.

Dan: Not the drugs, but because he grabs her dang ass arm when they first meet. And fingers her nose.

Jo: Ohhhhh. Why wasn't her dad invited to the wedding? And did we ever learn Dave Chappelle's name?

Dan: I thought Dave Chappelle was playing himself.

Jo: OH! That makes a lot more sense.

Dan: So was Bradley. So okay great Bradley's introduction: famous singer but also drinks. Dangerous combo.

Jo: Gin on the rocks. So we know his character loves stuff that tastes like poison. Like Drano.

Dan: Foreshadowing. We should have suspected it when his first line was: "Let's hang sometime."

Jo: And then he goes to a bar and sees her sing. And she sing good. Remember when he refused to answer her question about whether he liked Cheetos or not? That was a red flag.

Dan: Lol. God this first date is incredible.

Jo: If someone didn't answer my simple question about Cheetos while he was holding a family size bag I'd be like fuck you sir I am out of here.

Dan: Right but keep in mind you are in the middle of nowhere, and he drove you there. In his tinted window SUV. And you just punched a cop.

Jo: Also remember when Lady Gaga was so mad at first? So angry. And then cut to a year later she's not even pissed he's peed himself at the Grammys? 

She love him. Love makes angry people nice about pee pee.

Dan: Did you just write that? I knew you were a songwriter. I won't tell anyone though.

Jo: No I remember it from a pillow at my grandma's. Was he supposed to be Dave Matthews? That was what got me through an hour of that movie. Thinking this was a Dave Matthews bio pic, and Lady Gaga was Adam Levine.

Dan: More like Maroon 5 Hours.

Jo: More like Adam Levhat Time Is It?

Dan: More like Grave Matthews (because he dead).

Jo: (Clapping like the fans of Jackson Maine)

Dan: Okay so Bradley goes to a drag bar. Gaga sing. Bradley like. He invites her to a "cop bar" where she was very mad and angry and punches a cop in the face and I am thinking: Oh interesting what is her history, what is going on in that character of hers? What is the backstory that might lead to this explosive outburst?

But this is never explained or paid off? Unless I missed something? Also why didn't all the cops shoot her?

Jo: No her character only moves forward. And his character only moves back? They are together for a mere moment. when they have sex without a condom.

Dan: She sucks the life out of him like all women do. Sam Elliot's character is really only 30 but he has a nagging wife. Which is why he looks like Dracula's dad.

Jo: THAT WAS SAM ELLIOT!? Fuck. FUCK! Who plays her dad's friend? The white guy with the full head of hair.

Dan:  Oh the guy from Orange is the New Black?

Jo: OHHH.YES. Thank you. That got me through 20-30 minutes.

Dan: Wow that’s cool so between that and DMB you only had to watch 4 hours of this movie.

Jo: IMDB? OH DMB. Yes. Math checks out.

Dan: I'm Dave Matthews Band

Jo: Hahahah that's the elevator pitch for this movie. IDMB.

Dan: Actually pitch this to me. You have a screenplay you want to sell this is good practice. I'm the Australian (?) exec from interscope records from this movie but now I am making movies. GO.

Jo: Right, okay. Get this: Bradley Cooper...long hair. Lady Gaga...brown hair! Sold?

Dan: Interesting...have you considered killing yourself.

Jo: Bradley will do that thank you.

Dan: Pleasure, mate.

Jo: Lady Gaga was actually very good. I did appreciate her performance, seriously.

Dan:  Ya I was with her. The movie was more about Bradley though right? Am I crazy?

Jo: Hard to say.

Dan: He had the actual character arc. He had the screen time.

Jo: Yeah, I'm confused. But then at the end?  i don't know.

Dan: Even at the end it was literally HIS song that she sings. He is the STAR and he will be REBORN.

Jo: Oh yeah! Christ much?!

Dan: Oh wow remind you of anyone from this movie?

(Bradley Cooper as Jackson Maine)
(Bradley Cooper as Jackson Maine)

Jo: Also he was RIPPED for someone who just drinks gin and crushed up pills.

Dan: I think that’s what keto is.

Jo: I gotta try keto. Did you see the original of this movie? This is a remake, right? I think it was. Lemme check IDMB.

Okay they made one in 1960, 1973, 2010, 1954, and 1937.

Dan: And they got it right every time!

Okay well Bradley is flirting on Gaga pretty hard in this opening scene. She is mostly pretty overwhelmed, right? I mean this is a severely famous dude in this world. Everyone everywhere recognizes him even though he is like a Tim McGraw type who I literally wouldn't notice if he walked in right now and fingered my nose sexually.

I don’t think there is a famous enough country star that everyone would recognize on sight. Maybe Garth.

Jo: But you might! Famous people look different. Their skin...it's shinier?

Dan: Because they are...STARS.

Jo: I’m still on IDMB and it looks like a bunch of people passed up on the role. Like Beyonce.

Dan: OMG. Gaga and Beyonce opposite each other would have been awesome. She should have done it. She should have been Jackson Maine.

Jo: What a story. Like "Telephone" expanded.

Dan:  Imagine if Beyonce hung herself in a garage in a movie. You're telling me that wouldn't go viral? Someone call the studio.

Jo: You're telling me she passed on that?!

Dan: Dave Chappelle helping her off his lawn: "Did you wake up like this?"

Jo: Omg. Do you think people want this to win an Academy Award?

Dan: Oh my god yes. You don't kill yourself for no reason in a movie to not win an award.

Jo: I did think they had good chemistry. Here are my positive points of the film:

1- Good chemistry between Gaga and Bra Bra

2- The song Gaga sang first WAS catch

3- The pee scene looked real

4- I think bradley cooper did some experimentation with lens focus and shot angles which I appreciated. Felt refreshing

5- Loved that there was not one but two bubble bath scenes

6-  Dog was cute

7- Lady Gaga acting

8- I liked the rehab counselor. He seemed gentle

Dan: Ya glad he shows up just before the credits.

Jo: What were the positive parts for you?

Dan: I mean: Why did you do that do that do that to me? Need I say more?

Jo: Say no more.

Dan: When Gaga’s/Ally’s manager said: "GUESS WHAT YOU GOT SNL AND ALEC BALDWIN IS HOSTING", I turned to you and begged that they just play the entire episode.

Jo: Hahaha.

Dan:  And then they almost did and I peed like in the movie.

Jo: Hahahaha.

Dan: I also liked when they took a road trip to a wind farm and he grabbed dirt.People forget that that is a thing in this movie.

Jo: He was pretty good at drunk meanness. Like when he was drunk and mean, I believed his acting very much.

Dan: I also liked that the hotel parties were just sort of attractive people sitting around being bored. Which from my experience is what happens.

Jo: Truthful. Honest

was he a country singer?

Dan:Last but not least I also liked how the crowd shots of some of the concerts looked like Lord of The Rings CGI orc armies. Just very obviously fake but still moving around a bunch.

Jo: If it was CGI they did much better than what happened in iTonya.

Dan: That took place in the 90s. So of course the graphics are worse.

Jo: if you look closely in I,Tonya, none of the CGI audience members have faces. Faceless. Haunting.

Dan: Okay, let's quickly talk about Gaga's story in this. What is her deal? She is Italian, and wants to sing but is afraid to. With Bradley's help she is able to overcome around half of her problems.

Jo: Or she's afraid of being ugly?

Dan: Right that too.

Jo: The ugly thing is the big thing. Hard to believe but we suspend our disbelief. Lady Gaga? She is ugly now.

Dan: The magic of movies. And to be fair, there is nothing wrong with self-esteem and physical appearance as a central point for a character, even a conventionally attractive one like this. The issue I have is that we just have Bradley telling her over and over again what’s up and what to do. This to me, is Bradley being a creep. He straight up forces her to do stuff in this movie. It's really rude and bad.

Jo: Oh yeah.

Dan: He like tricks her into going on stage. Multiple times. He knows what’s good for her and what she really wants. I hated that.

Jo: I think they could have cut one of those times. Maybe just shaved off 10 minutes. This is coming out on 2 VHS's.

Dan: Hahaha. The entire movie really is you don’t know you’re beautiful.

Jo: And she becomes a pop star pretty easily. And she just happens to have a bunch of songs in the can about butts in pants. And then she is famous. And she stays grounded.

Dan: The fact is that Gaga doesn't really go through much - she is not really challenged? Her art is important to her, but then she goes pop and it's fine. She gets to do whatever she wants and overcomes some self esteem problems - this all really reinforces to me that this is a Bradley movie.

Jo: Yessss good point.

Dan: I thought it was legitimately....nice....that Bradley was just plain supportive for most of the movie. He never really gets jealous or upset.

Jo: I liked that pastry moment. Revealing of envy, through frosting.

Dan: What was that pastry Jo? 

Jo: It was a bagel with frosting.

Dan: I thought it was a donut, from the top. But then the bottom was flat like the inside of a sliced bagel? With no hole?

Jo: Maybe a big english muffin with whipped cream?

Dan: I’ve never seen anything like it. And I live in NEW YORK CITY. HOME OF THE BAGELNUT.

Jo: English muffins have frosting at hotel parties. It's part of the drug culture.

Dan: What did you think about her manager?

Jo: What's he from? Can you IDMB him? He’s not in anything else?

Dan: At an early gig that Bradley tricks Gaga into performing at, she is approached by Legolas who wants to be her manager.

Jo: And he seems like a real creep. And he is. Slime city.

Dan: I actually think...he's just a manager. He never tries to fuck her or kill her so he's actually a really great guy.

Jo: His neckline is really good. Back of his hair, clean. You notice that?

Dan: Let's just say it wasn't his NECKline I was looking at 😎

Jo: What were you looking at?

Dan: His SOCKS.

Jo: 😎

Dan: What was the point of that scene? (Bradley makes fun of his socks)

To show that Bradley and Manager don’t like each other? I think we know that by now.

Jo: A lot of the scenes were very subtle. Almost too subtle? Until the end, then it becomes overwhelming.

Dan: I thought it was very subtle when Bradley peed on stage at the Grammys.

Jo: Also how did the dog leave the garage when he was inside the house when the garage door went down? Maybe the dog did it.

Dan: He climbed on top of his giant steak and out the roof.

Jo: Oh! also I did appreciate the continuity that the breasts were always signed in the same way. That was number 10 of my positives.

Dan: Yes! One of the drag queens from the bar where Gaga and Bradley first met has him sign her breasts. The drag queens were the best part of the movie.

Jo: And they were very consistent in terms of props. I also appreciated that he liked clear alcohol, since sometimes it's hard to nail the brown liquor.

Dan: Don't I know it. You think this is espresso im drinking? 😎

Jo: HOOOOEY!

Dan: (It's gin mixed with dirt)

Jo: Dirt from the windmill farm.

Dan: Gosh. Can we talk about the music? Did you like it?

Jo: I heard of someone who's seeing this movie 6 times in theaters. I heard that.

Dan: Lol.

Jo: Someone we both know. Why.

Dan: Name names. Call them out.

Jo: Matt. Rogers. 6 times. I heard this to be true.

Dan: See me nodding.

Jo: We should talk to him. Maybe do a 3-way group chat? [Be sure to check out the Exclusive Bonus Content below this episode! - ed.]

Dan: I saw Book Club with him for the pod, which was a blast. I can't imagine seeing this with someone who LOVED IT, though.

Jo: Let's see if he is on gChat. Did you like Book Club?

Dan: It was so bad but yes. Did you see it?

Jo: I tried.

Dan: That's all you can be asked to do.

Jo: I got through the first meeting buffet. The harvest came to their book club.

Dan: Another great Andy Garcia vehicle.

Jo: Agreed. You think he's been blackmailed?

Dan: Book Club is about female friendship and how it's less important than actually nailing down a man.

Jo: i'm into that. While this movie, is about the importance of nailing down a man.

Dan: A Star Is Born is about tricking your wife into singing.

Jo: I really liked when she offered her dad "dinner" in the morning. And then said, “I don't know what meal it is.”

Dan: Omg. That was improv, Jo.

Jo: I felt that might've been improvised. It felt fresh. It did make me really like Lady Gaga a lot more.

Dan: I remember that moment as well because of how improvised it was.

Jo: Hahaha. I like her so much now.

Dan: She was fun! Bradley was literally fun also! I don't blame them.

Jo: They were literally really fun. What letter grade, honestly?

Dan: For them? Or the movie?

Jo: Now that we're digesting it, I kind wanna give the movie a B, except for the ending which I give a C-.

Dan: I don't really know what I'm grading. Like, if this is math class, maybe this movie is a really good chemistry student. But it's math class.

Jo: Hahahaha.

Dan: Does that make sense? Anyway, see me after class, movie.

Jo: Perfect sense.

Dan: What was better: Gaga's acting or CooCoo's singing?

Jo: Coco? The Disney Pixar film?

Dan: No you're thinking of Monsters Inc.

Jo: Ohhhh! GAGA ACTING WINS.

Dan: WOL (WOW OUT LOUD).

Jo: Bradley Cooper was not bad at singing but better at SHREDDING.

Dan: He actually shreds a lot in this movie. 

Jo: I'm surprised the guitars are still intact at the end. He must've harmed six guitars in the making of this film. 1 dog, 6 guitars.

Dan: Hahaha. During the Grammy performance -- a Roy Orbison tribute that he was supposed to sing for -- he is high as shit and on guitar. His part comes in and he shreds really hard and like...people are mad at him? Did he install an illegal distortion pedal when people weren’t looking? That’s what it sounded like. Why were they mad at him?

Jo: It might've been one of those Wolf Of Wall Street moments.

Dan: Oh right.

Jo: Where he thinks he's driving straight, but he ends up face down in the pavement.

Dan: Oh sure, like from the audience POV his dick is out and he's bonking the strings with his butt.

Jo: And from his perspective, he's Bach.

Dan: More like a Star Is Bach.

Jo: More Like A Stork Is Bork.

Dan: That’s a good point. And we haven't even talked about his Tinnitus.

Jo: His tinnitus! Incurable! Like herpes. Or tension headache.

Dan: Or love.

Jo: LOUVRE (google translation)

Dan: Another Good Point! For the movie, this Tinnitus gives a clear shelf life for Bradley's music career. It gets worse as time goes on, but like...it doesn't really get to him, other than subtly make him more anxious and depressed, along with everything else in the movie. He drinks more, but we never saw him not drinking more so that doesn't necessarily feel like escalation.

Jo: He should have gotten bigger cups, like the ones from New Orleans. So we can see that he's drinking more. Quantity-wise.

Also the tinnitus seems to get worse with the drugs, right?

Dan: Chicken and egg. But sure, as he goes deeper into pills the ringing gets worse, but it's unclear whether one is causing the other or vice versa.

Jo: I did like his eyes. Mmm.

Dan: Yum yum.

Jo: Ears might be a problem but not those eyes.

Dan: I think he should have moved on from gin into the harder stuff. Like Mike's Lemonade.

Jo: Four Lokos.

Dan: Can I ask a personal question? (That’s a line from this movie)

Jo: Yes (Yes).

Dan: Is Jackson Maine hot?

Jo: Good question. I think he is supposed to be. Yes. That's why he's ripped. I think he's supposed to be a guy that used to be really hot and is now still kinda hot and especially compared to his brother / grandfather.

Dan: He is hot because of keto and only eating one breakfast once in that one scene.

Jo: Yeah he knows all the tricks.

Dan: I like how when Jackson flew Ally out to his gig, her gay bff got a free hotel room too. That was nice.

Jo: And it seemed like the bff was busy. He didn't want to be bothered. I would put Bradley Cooper on Broadway.

Dan: Trick him into it.

Jo: Is his voice lower in this movie than normal? I think it might be.

Dan: Yes he is doing a Sam Elliott impression.

Jo: Ohhhh.

Dan: The movie even mentions that when they say he "STOLE [HIS] VOICE." It's a Little Mermaid situation.

Jo: OOH! I love Little Mermaid remakes! Part of This World..! YES!

Dan: A Starfish is Born.

Jo: KING TRITON!? YES! ANDREW DICE CLAY --> KING TRITON!

Dan: Oh wow forgot about Dice.

Jo: Dice was very good.

Dan: Dice is Daddy Gaga. Hey Jo, can you guess why this guy thinks it's “the best spot”? The guy next to us is asking his date (?) why the table they are at is “the best spot.”

Jo: He loves the heat from being near the printer? Why do you think?

Dan: "Because...the lighting is the best for me to look at your beautiful nose." Is my guess.

Jo: And then he swoops her nose! For real, he's swooping it you guys! Finger is swooping nose! No joke, this is sure a coinky-dink!

Dan: Yes, we should mention, this is runner in our movie. Bradley swoops Gaga’s nose when they first meet and then they do it a bunch. It's cute enough but it was so weird in the movie.

Jo: 7-14 times. 

Dan: Like, super slo-mo 4kHD nose sloping. What was that Ang Lee movie that was filmed in 120FPS?

Billy Lynn's Long Halftime Walk. Anyway they used that camera for the nose scene.

Jo: Maybe it's a throwback to Barbra? She played the role too.

Dan: Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. Interesting. I'll accept that.

Jo: Could be, who knows!

Dan: Literally imagine if it was Beyonce instead. Imagine all the scenes in this movie. But it's Beyonce.

Jo: A script rewrite is required.

Dan: I'll start on it. Okay, before we begin to close down and start our brief 3rd Act, I GOTTA talk more about the music! Did you like the songs?

Jo: No. It wasn’t my style.

Dan: I wanted to be KNOCKED ON MY ASS.

Jo: Hahaha. i like lady gaga that's all I'll say.

Dan: Truly Jo, iI wanted to be thrown through the back of my chair during every song.

Jo: 4D style.

Dan: Ya spray me in the face with song juice. I thought the first song she does on big stage was good. La Vie en Rose didn't wallop me.

Jo: Yeah, but I liked her eyebrows. And I liked her first song so much. I would put it on a spotify playlist called "Huh!"

Dan: Ya that was good! But also it was the best and the rest were just worse.

Jo: Yes it's truth. Okay I gotta go eat dinner soon. My eating schedule is all off.

Dan: Because of this movie.

Jo: Yes.

Dan: Ya same, I missed the birth of my kids. And they were born 10 months apart.

Jo: My kids missed the birth of me!

Dan: Well in that case it's time to wind up the old belt. We covered most of what happens in this movie, but there is truly so much much more. Anything we missed that you want to mention? Any other major thoughts?

Jo: i think the ending is really unnecessarily sad, and it made me upset and i wish it would have ended in different way. Like even if there was a deus ex machina, and god came down and swooped him up to play a riff for the angels. I would prefer it.

Dan: And his dad is there. And Jimi Hendrix too.

Jo: And they all do double dutch.

Dan: I thought the suicide was not necessarily out of character or even tonally off for this movie, but it was abrupt and unearned and weirdly paced (like the entire third act).

Jo: Yes agreed.

Dan: But I mean the dog curling up outside the garage? At least have the dog be ugly.

Jo: Exactly. We did not need. Let the steak be rare. Let the house look less comfortable.

Dan: Truly when he tells his attempted suicide story, 2 hours and 15 minutes into the movie, I was mad.

Jo: Agreed.

Dan: For me, the one thing I wanna say before we get to closing arguments is that Sam Elliot rules.

Jo: Yeah I'll stand behind you on that.

Dan: And that if even one person who sees this movie decides to go out and punch a cop in the face, it was worth it.

Jo: Hahaha.

Dan: Okay! Question number 1! You partly answered this before, but rules are rules. What are your 3 favorite things about this movie?

Jo: 1) Lady Gaga 

2) Bradley Booper's hair 

3) Dave Chappelle

Dan: Oh wow forgot about Dave. For me:

1) I loved the literal overnight turn from whatever Ally was into Ally the pop idol.

2) I think Bradley Cooper is likeable even if I don't really know if he should be a superstar.

3) Gaga singing is good but almost like cheating in a movie. She reminds me of the Rock in that he is just a giant human freak and put him on screen and it is suddenly magic. When she sings it's like The Rock kicking someone.

Jo: Yes true.

Dan: Next question! If you could change one thing about the movie, what would it be? This can be a new character, cut a scene, anything at all? You will get to your dinner, I'm typing as fast as my little feet can carry me.

Jo: CUT ENDING! And you type with your feet?

Dan: Don't look so surprised. There's a reason I wear Vibram 5 Fingers shoes.

Jo: NOT surprised!

Dan: For me, I would have about 10 more songs, but make them even more on the nose about what the characters are thinking / feeling. Bradley should have a song called "Pills Hurt My Ears" and then when Gaga hears it she writes one like, "My Dad Lives In The Kitchen With His 3 Friends.”

Jo: Ooh like a real musical! Not like this "Once" bullshit.

Jo: Like Mamma Mia.

Jo: Yes agreed. And cut the ending. And maybe add a robot.

Dan: Okay final Q! If you could change the name of this movie, what would you call it?

Jo: A SCAR CAN BURN

Cooper Grows

Music Video To Get Sad To

Dan: I’d go with: Silver Linings Songbook or Sadley Cooper's Day Off

Jo: HAHAH. maybe...Don't Bring Your Belt To The Concert.

Dan: Well we did it! We made it through the pack leader for Best Picture (1960, 1973, 2010, 1954, 1937 and 2018). Thank you so much for joining me today it has been an HONOR and a TREAT. Any last words for our readers?

Jo: It's pretty fun to go see a movie with Dan, readers. He's quiet, but also not afraid to make jokes. He gets there on time. He knows where to sit. And he goes to the bathroom at the same time as me.

Dan: Same! And remember: you don't know you're beautiful, readers!

Jo: And you won't know until Tim McGraw scoops you up!

The Matt, Jo and Dan Roundtable

Dan: We just saw a Star is Born for the Movie Podcast and we are not being kind to it.

Jo: We'd love to hear your take. We heard a rumor you've seen it 6 times. Which equals 46 hours.

Dan: How could he (Bradley) do that do that do that do that do that to us?

Jo: Can you fast-forward in the theater? You have some special kind of app?

Matt: Wow. This feels like a wild attack. Wild boars attacking. Would be more than happy to talk about this in a round table setting.

Personally feel bad for anyone who doesn’t like the film!!!!!!!!!

Dan: Sam Elliott should have been on that stage AND in those bubble baths.

Matt: Agree to disagree I would have no more or less Sam Elliott.

Dan: We are both mad that the movie made us cry against our wills which is incredibly rude and manipulative.

Matt:  Sounds like you liked it and you are afraid of yourselves. Confront yourself in the mirror and get back to me.

Dan: Wow trick me into doing what you think is best for me Matt Rogers or should I say Mattson Romaine.

Matt: im Ally, bitch.

Dan: You're literally Rez.

Matt: I’ll take it tbh.

Dan: Nice sox. I'm going to sleep because I am DRAINED from this entire experience. When Jo sees this I hope she remembers that scene where they drive to the wind farm and thinks about her life.

Matt: Bahahahhahaa. You will wake up and realize it was good. You will still be thinking about it. MARK WORDS.

Dan: Honestly? SNLtrack is good.

Matt: Lololololol

Dan: Like I know Sadley hated it, but Ass N Jeanz is a jam.

Matt: “Why you keep on textin me like that???” I have asked that question so many times.

Dan: It's real. I also did really like the first song that he tricked her into singing on stage, when she was like <omg what? I mean ok I guess> with her face / body.

Matt: I literally performed it tonight.

Dan: Lol. Okay wait. Have u actually seen it a bunch?

Matt: I’ve seen it 4 times. On Wednesday I went to a press screening. On Thursday I had tickets for months. My mom bought tickets for the fam Friday. And I promised Sudi I’d go with her Sunday. 4.

Dan: Okay so you’re the person to ask: Literally WHAT pastry does he rub in her face? We could not figure it out.

Matt: It was a cake!!!!!!! A little cake.

Dan: Hahaha no It was too short. Like, height wise.

Matt: Lolol like I said: a LITTLE cake.

Dan: And it was frosted like a donut. But it was flat bottomed. I think they had Dominique Ansel design a new pastry. Just for the movie.

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Jo Firestone is a comedian and a writer for Joe Pera Talks With You on Adult Swim. You can download her album The Hits on itunes.

Matt Rogers is a comedian, writer, actor and host based in NYC. He is the co-host of both the LAS CULTURISTAS podcast and the variety show GAYME SHOW and was selected as one of Just For Laughs’ New Faces of Comedy last year. 

For real though, if you have thoughts of suicide, please call the National Suicide Prevention Hotline. It's free and anonymous. 1-800-273-8255